Oh My! Monday: Getting back my confidence after a baby
“You will get fat. Your boobs will sag. Stretch marks are going to cover your body. Oh girl, you are so tiny now that you will bounce back. Are you having twins? You are carrying low, you must be close to delivering. Do you have the big blue line on your belly? You have the biggest rack now. Oh, penguin waddle, how cute. Can you get your pants buttoned up? You not having morning sickness is a sign of an unhealthy baby. You will never look or feel the same way down there again. Oh, yea, sneeze and pee. Welcome to the club of poop and vomit on your clothes. Enjoy never sleeping again. It took me a year before I even lost a pound of baby weight.”
These are just a small amount of all of the things that I was told while I was pregnant. I did my best to ignore the horror and myths but yes, they will linger in the back of your mind and can rattle the strongest woman. I didn’t buy into the gender predictions, I did do them all and they all said I was having a boy and still ended up with a girl. People who have had a kid suddenly think they are the expert on everything pregnancy and kids. You are given unwanted advice from family, friends and even strangers. I had one lady at the grocery store come up and put her hand on my belly. I put mine right back on hers and gave her a look of yea, this is happening. She immediately stopped and walked away.
Jump ahead to 8 months pregnant, Jake and I are dishing up for dinner and my feet started to turn into maple bars with little sausages at the end. Swelling is a normal part of pregnancy for many women. I thought nothing of it because I had been deep cleaning my house for the past 3 weeks. Luckily I had a check up in the morning. As I was getting ready to leave, my hands and face started to look a little puffy too. I got to the appointment and was sitting in the room swelling up even bigger. My blood pressure was very high, I was a literal water bed and had a high amount of protein in my urine sample. I gained over 20lbs in 3 days of water weight. It stretched out every part of my body. I had two tiny stretch marks that you couldn’t see on my belly. After that, my belly, hips and thighs are now covered in them. It was extremely painful.
Audrey is almost 18 months old and while I have lost a lot of weight, I sure as heck do not look like that skinny lady I see in the photo the day we found out about her. My stomach is saggy and in some outfits, I still look 5 months pregnant. It is sad. I am embarrassed sometimes. Luckily, I am very fortunate to have someone who tells me I am sexy. He doesn’t care that I’m not 117lbs like I was when we met. Then again, I’m not 16 either. Yes, shopping for clothes sucks. I hate standing next to woman who have a kid who is half the age of mine and they are tiny and look like they never had a child.
Here is the difference between me and a lot of other moms. I remind myself every time I feel down,
I ATE TOO MANY DOUGHNUTS I MADE A HUMAN INSIDE MY BODY! A beautiful human, with ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. A human who looks at me like I am perfect and loves me unconditionally. As I am writing this, I am wearing a pair of shorts and a Seahawks shirt. No, I don’t look like Alyssa Milano on NFL.com in it but I look good. I may have the appearance of a muffin top from my saggy skin but remember… THE MUFFIN TOP IS THE BEST PART OF EVERY MUFFIN! Your body is amazing with all of the things it can do. It can heal itself, change over time and grow humans. Now you tell yourself this every time you feel bad… I MAKE HUMANS AND I AM AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL! Look at women in these tribes in third world countries. They sag, are round and are absolutely happy with who they are. Why? Because they are moms and they know that being a great mom with a happy kid is more important than being tiny. Personally, I don’t want to look like I did before puberty. No offense but I enjoy have some curves now. It will take a long time to get small and I may never be pre-baby looking again, which is ok. Because one, I like to drink and eat and two, I plan on more kids in the future and each time I get pregnant, I will remind myself that I will change and to be happy with that. I’m going to go kiss my kid now and thank my man for supporting me. I suggest you do the same and stop resenting yourself.